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On the Ninth Day of Assertiveness...


On the Ninth Day of Assertiveness...

Graham Smith

Most of my recent posts have focussed on the use of assertiveness in difficult situations, or those where we have difficulty in speaking up for ourselves.

The use of assertion also includes giving praise or compliments to others, although our culture can mean that we often regard those giving praise with suspicion. Many people find it very difficult to give and receive compliments, thinking somehow that others will believe they have an ulterior motive.

Giving and receiving feedback, including compliments, is an important aspect of assertiveness. Receiving compliments boosts self-esteem and in turn confidence, always a good idea!

To give a compliment keep it short and to the point.

If you receive a compliment, don't push it away and put yourself down.

The Boss: "That was a really good piece of work."

Passive response: "Oh it wasn't very difficult, Susan did most of it"

Aggressive response: "Oh you noticed then" (Sarcastic)

Assertive response: "Thanks, I am pleased too"

Here are some examples of positive feedback.

  • "I haven't given that any thought before, but am very interested.  I would really like to take some time to think about your idea.
  • “Thank you,  your presentation was really helpful and engaging”.
  • "It makes such a difference to me when you help”.

Just like yesterday's examples - take time to practice giving praise or compliments - I always find it fulfilling when you compliment a stranger. Don't forget to be grateful when you are complimented, there really is little worse than have a compliment thrown back at you when well intentioned.

So accept the compliments and appreciate yourself this Christmas!