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On the Eleventh Day of Assertiveness...

Blog

On the Eleventh Day of Assertiveness...

Graham Smith

We are coming to the end of my 12 Days of Assertiveness and as hints and tips are popular, I thought we would have a refresh with 5 key tips to help increase your assertive ability.

1. Start small. 

You wouldn’t try to climb a mountain or run a marathon without training and some decent advice. (Would you?) So jumping straight into a situation, without any preparation, is most likely going to end in failure.

It's best to practice in a situation that is not too pressurised such as asking to be seated in a different place in a restaurant. Then slowly work up to tougher situations, such as talking to your boss about a pay rise.

2. Learn to say no. 

So many people, especially women, think that if they say to no to others, that they are being selfish, but it is so important to set boundaries in your relationships.

In fact, this issue is so common that I've devoted the last day of assertiveness to more tips to help stop being a people pleaser!

3. Don't do guilt. 

Being assertive can be hard, especially if you’ve been passive or a people pleaser most of your life. The first few times it can feel quite scary, but remember that being assertive is vital to your health and well-being. Assertive behaviour that involves speaking up for yourself in a way that is respectful of others is not wrong or selfish, it is healthy. 

4. Express your needs and feelings. 

Don’t assume that others will automatically know what you need, they can't read your mind, you have to tell them. Be specific, clear, honest and respectful.

It helps to express feelings without attaching blame, for example: “I am exhausted and I need more help with the children.”

5. Get more information on assertiveness. 

There are some great books and courses available, I shall be producing an on-line programme in the New Year, if you would like more details, just click here and complete the form.